pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
