I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
