Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
