Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
