Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
