"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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