Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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