Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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