I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
