U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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