I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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