just tell him i said nine months
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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