Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
it's like iHOP with fire
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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