how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
