I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
