I hope mine doesn't look like that
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
