i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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