ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
