There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
