My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
