Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
