We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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