im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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