Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
