Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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