none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Randomize
