Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
