im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
