feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
