It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
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