FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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