why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
