idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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