I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
