i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
