I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just had sex on a roof
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
