Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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