she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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