I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize