Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
