Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
