you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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