My boss' voice literally gives me gas
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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