Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
