i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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