How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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