i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Less talking, more tequila
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
