U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
