rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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