Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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