i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
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these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
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We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize