Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
