he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
