If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
