Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
