Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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