It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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