That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
