he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
How external is "for external use only"?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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