Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
