I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
