Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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