I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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