I met the friendliest cop last night
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
