uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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