Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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