your room smells of hookers.
And success
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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