so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
