Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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