Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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