I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
