I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I think i got beer on your cat.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
