I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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