Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
