Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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