If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
