Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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