don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
